Routines

Sometimes I think routines can be a snare, for many reasons... remember, I said sometimes.  I think routines or schedules can be good for a time for someone who has no self-control in their lives and wastes their lives with laziness and sin.  It could be a way for them to make a feasible plan to fill their days with productivity and truth.

However, I was contemplating routines and schedules for myself.  How they can sometimes becomes overpoweringly selfish.  You focus your day, your life, around the plan you have laid out.  It can even simply be what you've planned for dinner for the week.  I know for me, when I get on a routine, I don't want anything to interfere [or eat my food, etc.] and if something does get in the way, my mind is thinking about when I can get back to my plan.

What happened to a man makes his plans but the LORD directs his steps?

I think routines can often keep us from the leading of the Holy Spirit.  We already have something set in our minds about what we will do with our time and resources, and that's the final say.  We get so determined to finish what we set out to do or see the result we want to achieve.  Like when I was doing the Jillian Michaels' Ripped in 30 program.  I was very committed and desperately wanted to see results.  I followed her even followed her eating plan.  The first week I spent way over my normal budget for food.  I would get up early to workout and if I missed in the morning, I would do it at night, nothing would make me miss my workout.  I could see myself becoming a little obsessed with not only my routine, but with the results.  It became very hard at times to give up those things for something else, for people, for Jesus.

I think it's good to have order, but I know that I need to be careful not to go overboard, but remain submissive to the Spirit.  Life is NOT about order and about having everything together and perfect.  What we DO need to perfect is our faith, our love, and the only person who can do that is Jesus the Christ.

Post-examination

In regard to the last post, it might sound a bit extreme.  I'm not claiming that God is going to make our lives miserable or anything.  God is a good Father and does provide for His children.  I do, however, think there is fine line that we need to be careful not to cross.  With thankful heart we receive the blessings of the LORD, but we do not horde our gifts to ourselves like greedy children, instead we give from what we've been given [money, time, shelter, love, comfort, joy, wisdom, etc...].  It is better to give than to receive.

I'm not saying that the things we do are always bad, but what is best?  I think sometimes we are given a choice as to what we will do with our lives.  Take Paul for instance, after all his travels and preaching the gospel in many places, he purposed in his spirit to make his way to Jerusalem, though people begged him not to go.  After a long journey, with many stops, from Macedonia to Caesarea, a town nearby Jerusalem, a prophet named Agabus from Judea came to Philip's house where Paul was staying.  Acts 21 - 11.And coming to us. he took Paul's belt and bound his own feet and hands, and said, "this is what the Holy Spirit says: 'In this way the Jews at Jerusalem will bind the man who owns this belt and deliver him into the hands of the Gentiles.'" 12.When he had heard this, we as well as the local residents began begging him not to go up to Jerusalem. 13.Then Paul answered, "What are you doing, weeping and breaking my heart?  For I am ready not only to be bound, but to even die at Jerusalem for the name of the Lord Jesus."  

He had the choice to choose life in the world, or death resulting in life.  He chose what was best.  He did not consider his life on earth something of value, but held Jesus in his view as the treasure of his heart.  He pressed on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Jesus Christ [Phil 3:14].  I have the choice to do this every day.  

Do I want the permissible life or the beneficial life? 

My Examination

I am reading a book called The Death of a Guru by Rabi R. Maharaj.  It's an autobiography of [Rabi] who grew up in Trinidad as a Hindu [who later becomes a follower of Jesus of Nazareth].  I am not even half way through and it is already given me more insight than I've ever had on this religion as Rabi intricately recalls events, conversations, thoughts, information of his life and Hinduism.

As I was reading and pondering the intense, ACTIVE devotion these people have for these many false gods, I can't help but wonder why more people are like that here in the US.  It seems that the majority of people who are devout in some type of religion are those who belong to another continent, another culture.  Take Hindi's for example.  They hunger to worship something, anything.  They worship cows and delight in serving them, they worship people, living or dead, they adorn their house with statues or pictures of gods. They attend ceremonies, are sent away to schools, spend hours upon hours in meditation, sometimes even neglecting their families and responsibilities.  Parents are consistent in teaching their children in their ways.  And that's only a brief summary of what I know.

It's easy to see that the Hindi's have given their lives to their false gods... and with that inevitably to the devil.  People are hungry for worship.  So where is this hunger for worship with the people in my own town, state, country?  Is what we hunger for a little more subtle that a statue of a god?  

As I reflect on these questions, many things are brought to mind.  I observe the adornments in the homes, luxury, comfort, wealth.  I see the attendance of a band's concert; the adoration of a person who can sing well.  The revenue of the movie industry and the applause from an actor as they win an award.  The pursuit of great knowledge and wisdom.  I see the crave of power or fame.  The obsession of vanity and model-esque beauty.  I see the man addicted to drugs.  The neglecting of families to pursue your ultimate dream and become the best at that instead of being the best at being a parent.  The list goes on...

I realize that our tendencies are all the same, they just play our differently.  It is in our hearts to worship.  Just like the Hindi boy, I wonder if I too have been deceived from birth by these things that don't seem bad but just the way things are.  It's really easy for us to say to the Hindi who becomes a believer in Jesus, "Get rid of everything associated with Hinduism.  Burn up all the pictures, destroy all the statues, completely devoid your life of everything you've ever known and built your life on since birth," which is what they should WANT to do if they are truly repentant and Jesus has really captured their heart, yet it's really hard for us to believe that for ourselves.  We continue to live the lives we've lived since birth.  Live in luxury, comfort, always getting what we want, not really changing anything about our lifestyle and thoughts.  It's rampant in the church today.  It begs to ask the question, does Jesus really have our full heart?  

I think we hunger just as much for worship as any other person, it is just not towards a god who has a name or its own religion.  Its the idea that we can serve the God of the Bible and the world simultaneously.  Are we making compromises in our lives that are interpreted as, "I can have the best of both worlds" - one that loves Jesus and also has a great, wonderful life in which there is no cost?  Man, are we missing out or what on what Jesus really has in store for us?!  

I think an examination is due.  What consumes your thoughts, controls your money and time, defines your life?  What has your heart?

Matthew 6:24 - No one can serve two masters; for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to one and despise the other.  You cannot serve both God and wealth.

O, God.  Protect me and shield my heart.  Keep me from the evil one.  Help me to fear your Holy name and give my life for you.  Help me to count the cost and co unt it all as loss for the sake of knowing you.  You are worth it.

Decision-time.

In regards to the last paragraph in my last post, I think my mind will start focusing on work again.  I was really weighed down last week, avoiding telling someone dear to my heart about a decision that would effect us both.  Yesterday, I made that decision.  The weight is gone and my mind is clear again.  I feel like my soul has entered into God's rest as I take a step of faith.

I am moving home.

Unpredictable

Life is unpredictable.

Things don't usually go how you expect them to.

I feel like the direction of my life changes so often.  Though not necessarily literally.  About a month ago I was learning a set of specific things, I could see the direction of my heart and mind and potentially what I would learn about next and how that would effect where my life would literally go.  Then as I look at the current surrounding scenery I realize [my heart and mind] are in a completely different place than I thought I would be.

I can't determine whether that's a good thing or not.  I don't know if its me just wandering around, or if I'm following.  Maybe a mixture of both.  I suppose that there are trails that you may never intended to go down, but they wind up leading you right back to the path you originally set out on.  I even suppose that as you are on a stray path, that God could make-shift a trail for you.  Nothing is impossible.  You may even have to just cut through the dark, beast-and-insect-infected wood that lies between where you are and where you should be.

With all that said, I'm not suggesting that I AM on a wayward path.  I'm really trying to say that the direction of the Lord's is unpredictable.  And I hope that I have gone where He has led me.  That I haven't diverted from My [good] Shepherd.  The outcome of this month, the things on my mind, the way I've been thinking, the desires/pressings on my heart today just look different than what I would have expected a month ago.  [Maybe more-so, the REASON why I learn something is different than I expect.]

I'm comforted to know that Jesus never stops working, never stops coming, never stops loving when I end up in a strange place.  That even if I unknowingly led myself to this place, that He can turn it all into His good.  He can bring me back, or forward.  And even so, I might not ever know the all times veer off for His redemption and goodness.  I wonder if He protects us from knowing our own failures because knowing them isn't always the important thing.  In all cases, He is a great, the perfect,  protector and Father.

On another note, recently while at work, my mind has been on a thousand other things OTHER than work... it's ridiculous.  Seriously, everything else.  Even small things like: shopping list/grocery shopping, movie rental choice, making a new salsa, what I'm going to do with Krista tomorrow, Rhonda's birthday, my new bank issue, calling my dad on my lunch break... BLOGGING.  I don't know what's gotten in to me.

Funk.

I have been in such a funk these last few days.  I've been edgier than normal, easily irritable.  I find myself wanting to do or say [or not do] certain things that are abnormal for me.  I've had to keep myself from being rude, although I'm not so sure how well I've controlled my facial expressions.  I've been somewhat apathetic: not really showing much interest in people and not wanting to give much effort for things.

I need more of Jesus to shine through and take over my wicked tendencies.  I need more of His love to consume me.  I need more love for Him.  I must be dependent upon grace, not merely excused by it.  

There are so many different things running through my head and my heart.  I feel like I'm on the fence about a lot of things that pertains to my life.  I kind of feel too unstable to make certain decisions that I can complete.  I'm confused about some things.  Maybe the most important decision that is left to be unmade is the decision to live my life as one that I do not own... as a life with a Lord who has full control.  Maybe it's time to let go, to submit, to die.

There are fears that have not yet been fully surrendered.  The fear of not upholding what I say I will or will not do.  Fear of making the wrong decision.  Fear of not pleasing man.  Fear of looking foolish.  Fear of living life my way and not God's and not caring.  Fear that man's/world's opinions and standards will taint and distort the truth from the Word, and that I won't even notice.

I need to stop thinking that the pressure is on me.  That I have to conjure up my own faith, my own self-control, my own truth... All these things comes from Jesus.  He lives and dwells within me, and He will live and dwell through me.  I can only rely on His strength and grace.  I have nothing to give, nothing to offer, nothing good in of myself.  Jesus is my goodness.  He is the well from which my faith is drawn.

I love Jesus, and I believe in Him who the Father sent.  I am known by Him if I love Him. And if I love Him, I obey His commands... Even when it's hard, when it hurts, when life is good, when it's easy to talk yourself into disobedience... There is simply no other way.