Longing

O, how my heart is longing.  It is longing for so many things: life, laughter, joy, beauty, simplicity, new experiences, enjoyment of life, to live life with friends, so see Sarah in December, to be home, to do more than I am, to truly know God and to live with His mindset, not mine or the world's.

I feel like I'm in anticipation for something, but I don't know what it is.

I want to long for the right things.  I don't want my heart to stray for things that will become a snare or will draw me away from purity and devotion to Christ.  I want to understand what it means to enjoy life and to see beauty in the simple things, but through His lens.  I want to experience life in Him to the fullest... whatever that means.  I want to rid myself of the perceptions I have or think I should have and the perceptions that other people have and cling to and seek out the perception of God.  How hard it seems when my mind and heart often drifts back and forth, being fickle as it is.  Sometimes it's hard to discern between the perception of God and the deception of my heart.

This is how I am today... the things that I am contemplating.  We'll see how long it remains.  It may be something completely new in a few days, something that could be contradicting these very things I am longing for.  Or at least longing in a different way.  I just hope that when the thoughts of my heart change, they change by the leading of Jesus.